Good evening, and after a week's hiatus, it's time for everyone's favorite timestamped tv-show review:

 

 

First, off I have a new review up here.  What better place to point out a review of a brilliant Asian horror anthology movie than in a liveblog of an American anthology tv show.  Very "meta" i'd say.  But anyway.

 

Second, I'm gonna come right out and say I'm very excited about tonight's episode.  During last week's hiatus, I managed to catch an interview on G4's "Attack of the Show" with tonight's director and writer, Darren Lynn Bousman(Saw 2-4, Repo the Genetic Opera) and Steve Niles(30 Days of Night).  In it they said they were very happy with their ep and were surprised at what they were able to get away with.  That, plus the fact that I've generally liked Bousman's work in the Saw series and am looking forward to the Genetic Opera, means I have pretty high hopes for tonight's ep.

 

And third....*checks previous liveblog*...at 1015PM two Thursday's ago, I wrote, regarding "Eater", "Oh the PTC is going to LOOOOVE this ep".  Well, guess what I found yesterday night......lol.  I guess I was right.  Fear Itself gets called Worst Show on TV for the second time in five episodes, this time for "Eater".  If you didn't see that coming after watching that ep, you haven't been following this overprotective group of idiots closely enough.  But,, unlike when they did it for "Spooked" and I called them out for bashing a generally gore-less episode, this time, I'm going after them for FLAT-OUT LYING.  Following are quotes from their piece: 

 

-"Since "serial killers" have become standard grist for the C.S.I., Criminal Minds, Dexter, and Bones TV mill, the Fear Itself writers imbue Mellor with every kind of deviant psychopathic behavior from Jeffery Dahmer to Auschwitz."

AND

-"During flashbacks, the viewer sees Mellor torture his past female victims - peeling flesh from their skins, cutting out their tongues, then stir-frying and eating them. Afterwards, Mellor turns his victim's skins and skulls into lampshades and ashtrays."

No.  No no no no no NO, you baseless, fearmongering, self-centered, egotistical, overbearing morons.  The way the episode is written, the cops talk about his past and discuss what he's known for.  THEY claim he does the lampshade/ashtray schtick, THE SHOW doesn't show it.  Similarly, no, you don't see him cut out the tongue, peel their flesh, etc.  It's IMPLIED horror.  It's implied precisely BECAUSE it's on network tv.  And don't get me started on the "standard grist" comment.  These are the same idiots who basically organized a fatwa against CBS for syndicating a HEAVILY edited version of Dexter.  Shows about murder do not create murderers, stop claiming they do.

 

Also, the PTC is against the ending, calling the twist "as close to a happy ending as this horror anthology will allow".  Psst.  A) it's horror, it's probably not supposed to have a happy ending all the time, B) if you want a happy ending in every show and everything in your life, I hate to break it to you but WOW are you gonna be disappointed, and C) HEY IT'S CALLED NIHILISM YOU IDIOTS, GET OVER IT.

 

Ok, I think I've gotten angry at overprortective parents enough for one blog...which means:

 

ANND OFF WE GO:

1000PM:  I love Darren Bousman, but I gotta say, quick-cut shots of things = Bousman.  lol

 

1001PM:  I swear I've seen her in something else.

 

1001PM:  She seems fun.  Party girl, dresses in black, keeps a pet tarantula.

 

1002PM:  I WANT THAT SURREAL CLOCK.  and id've preferred if it wasn't so obvious that that was a cgi apocalypse.

 

1003PM:  That "did I do something stupid last night" line was waaaaaaaaay too unintentionally funny for me.

 

1003PM 2:  Wow.  that's some nice lighting and cinematography with the candle thing.  and that's pretty damn creepy, the music.

 

1005PM:  I like the minimalist style that comes from the candle and sparing amount of sound.  Nails the apocalypse well.

 

1005PM 2:  I think the open went on a touch too long, but I can't place why.

 

1007PM:  Not seeing Dark Knight til sunday due to change of plans.  But I can't wait.

 

1008PM:  Wow, that was a really really dumb verizon ad.  If my hand drags me out on a roof just to touch a phone, kill me.

 

1009PM:  That was kinda bad, the "there's blood everywhere".  She couldve acted better than that I think.  Granted, its the apocalypse so it's kinda forgivable.

 

1010PM:  Someone's been watching the last 30 minutes of "the happening"?  Works a lot better here.

 

1010PM 2:  WHEEEE flashback.  this oughta be interesting if that's what they're gonna try and do this ep.

 

1011PM:  That's really interesting with the tarantula.

 

1011PM 2:  posters...Ghoul Garden, Curse of the Wend Witch.  I like her style.....lol.

 

1012PM:  Well that explains the dress....wait...I havent even seen Cloverfield, but I know enough of the story that I'm not liking where this ep might be going.

 

1013PM:  Ok, the Bousman-trademark video editing tricks might get old by the time this is over.....and love the bloody handprints on the door.

 

1014PM:  Ok, seriously Darren.  Stop it.  Just because the character turned around does not mean we need a jerky quick shot of her head shaking all around.

 

1015PM:  I like the zombie walk......and I REALLY like that zombie....at least I think these are supposed to be zombies.

 

1017PM:  Having gone to a wedding and reception with about 12 toasts on saturday, I totally get the wine stain joke in that Orbit ad now.

 

1019PM:  Maybe its just me, but I really don't care about the Olympics this year.  And My Own Worst Enemy looks REALLY GOOD from that teaser.

 

1020PM:  STOP WITH THE DAMN HYPERFAST EDITING TRICKS, IT'S ONLY A ONE-HOUR SHOW!

 

1020PM:  I can think of SOOO many smarter things than letting the basically dead girl into the small enclosed space of the elevator.

 

1021PM:  The elevator not being able to close was really cute.

 

1023PM:  Um...what on earth was that.  I admit I like the zombie movements, but this better start making sense in a hurry.

 

1024PM:  Did that banner just say it was the end of the world?  and more posters eh?

 

1025PM:  Yeah, i'd be the guy dancing with myself...yeeeeeeeesh.

 

1026PM:  This conversation is quasi-hokey yet cute.  It's growing on me.

 

1027PM:  Christ, the camera tricks are like his heroin, he just cant stop giving himself a fix.  Gotta love hitting the person with the car.  And yep.  They're definitely zombies.

 

1028PM:  These are some weeeeird places for commercials....and waitaminute.  Xzibit is in the X-Files movie?  XZIBIT????  That just crossed the line between cute irony for the name and abject stupidity just SOOOOOOO far.

 

1029PM:  They really are pushing ads that have a horror-esque tone now.  Interesting.  They didnt used to.

 

1030PM:  I like that Mega Millions commercial that no one other than me will see.  lol.  Diner with Ed McMahon from Johnny Carson and Don Pardo from Jeopardy is a definite win.

 

1031PM:  I live in FEAR of having that cuddlebear thing in that verizon ad happen to me someday.

 

1032PM:  Stop with the editing tricks.....seriously.  All you're doing is shooting yourself in the foot.  It works when the movie's an hour and a half or two and they're spread out.  Not when they come every five damn minutes.

 

1034PM:  Why do I get the strong strong strong feeling that people who ADORE Cloverfield will love this ep?

 

1035PM:  ANNNND TIMING!

 

1036PM:  For a 10PM Broadcast version of an apocalyptic city, that's not too bad, setting wise.

 

1036PM 2:  This is really creepy and nice, the old couple.  I like that a lot.

 

1037PM:  DO IT!!!  DO IT!!!!  YES!

 

1038PM:  Are we having the second episode in the series that gets immeasurably better in its second half?  Interesting.

 

1038PM 2:  And that's why you wear combat boots to a party in the city, apparently.

 

1039PM:  I should mention I have yet to really see what Bousman and Niles were going on about.  Other than a lot of blood on surfaces there isnt much in this episode that's that shocking yet.  Okay...wait.....yeah there we go....strike that.

 

1042PM:  You know I really thought ER was done like 3 years ago.  That's really sad that it's still around.

 

1043PM:  ARE YOU REALLY EDITING OLYMPICS FOOTAGE INTO A MUMMY 3 TRAILER?  REALLY?

 

1045PM:  Oh that's smart.  Walk away from the broadcast talking about the horribly disfigured people.

 

1046PM:  Well, she's dense.  I couldve called that 15 minutes in.  Then again, as was said in Mallrats, we can smell our own.

 

1047PM:  Darren, hyper-editing to cover the grue does not make it better.  In fact, it probably takes away from it.

 

1048PM:  Cannibalism at 1048 on NBC on a thursday is always fun.

 

1048PM 2:  WILL YOU STOP YOU IDIOT?  JEEZ TAKE A HINT.

 

1049PM:  Saw that coming.

 

1050PM:  Well gosh I hope the PTC is ok with that, I mean it was just SUCH a happy ending.  And if you can't tell that's sarcasm and that I really REALLY liked that darkly downbeat twist, then...wow.

 

1053PM:  Wait.  are we going where I think we are?  If we are than I like this episode WAY WAY MORE than I've let on.

 

1054PM:  WE ARE!  As I said last week, oh the PTC is gonna looooove this.

 

1056PM:  I suddenly totally agree with Darren Bousman.  I have no idea how they got away with this with pretty much no notes from the censors.  and YES!  DOUBLE SHOT OF AWESOMENESS IN THE ENDING!

 

1057PM:  Ok, I don't think I needed him to physically say that.  But I gotta admit I really really really like this.  And it just lifted the whole episode way way way up.

 

1057PM 2:  This ending keeps getting better and better

 

1058PM:  Could've done without the "film burning through joke"

 

1059PM:  YES!  MARY HARRON'S NEXT WEEK!

 

 

Final thoughts:  When you watch this episode, you may, like me, hate it for the first 40 minutes or so.  Keep watching.  That ending and twist was OUTSTANDING.  Ironically this is similar to how i felt after watching Saw and Saw 2 the first times.  I thought the movie was decent, but the TWIST...OH THE TWIST....just raised the movie to another level, just like the twist did here.  The episode right up till the twist was average at best.  But the ending makes the entire rest of the episode 20 times better and make a WHOLE lot more sense.  A very good episode, just make sure you don't give up on it. 

 

Oh, and one other thing.  Darren.  Just because you made a great ending doesnt mean you get a free pass on the editing tricks.  Seriously.  Frigging stop it.  That was one of the most annoying things I'd ever seen.

 

Until next time, this is Crypticpsych saying......AHHH THE ROOM'S MOVING REALLY FAST!  MY HEAD HURTS!  DAMN YOU BOUSMAAAAAAANNN!