So today i was thinking about how much i'd like to start over. How much of my life I'd like to change. My whole life has been one unfortunte accident, and my blessings have turned into curses. For example. My parents are veryyy wealthy and because of that i was forced to grow up faster. I attended my parents' parties, did 16 beauty pageants, and went to a private school. Growing up, I had a body guard. So did my little brother. It was hard to make friends, let alone date. I think in high school i MAYBE had 2 boyfriends. My parents pushed me aside, so i delved into the world of horror movies when i was veryy young. My dad had a passion for them, so i snuck some of them. My brother is the same way. I would go down to San Diego to visit my mother's family, and while i was there they let me run around with my cousins. But after the shark attack, everything changed. From that day on, they smothered me with protection.

I never had independance till I was almost 19, when i finally told my parents i was going to a college in Ireland. They said ok. My social life has improved, but i still don't date. It's hard to find someone who can tolerate me for long periods of time, while also maintaining the same interests and passions as me. My obsession with horror scares off most people, and due to the fact that i have very contriversial views, i offend more. Guys think i'm a nerd, because all i talk about is horror, politics, and science. I haven't had a date in almost 3 years, and my parents wouldn't let me see the only guy i've ever truely cared for. I wish, like most girls, that i could be different. That i was prettier, less nerdy, and that i was elegant instead of clumsy. The fact that I'm schitzophrenic doesn't help either. I wish that a boy could see me as something beautiful, instead of a freak. But i know it won't happen.

I know nobody will read this, and if you ARE reading this you probably think i'm some spoiled emo bitch. Well, i'm not. I know nobody cares, but i thought that I might as well write SOMETHING down. I need to get it out.