Back in November 2010, you might remember I reviewed two crazy Asian gore flicks that kind of defy genre classification:  Tokyo Gore Police and Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl.  Neither one is really straight horror, but they have enough elements from the genre that they felt like they had a place in our review database.  What you didn't know was that, in preparation, I also examined the slightly earlier release The Machine Girl, a film usually mentioned alongside those.  While I liked Machine Girl, though not nearly as much as the other films... it was a bit too silly, I didn't feel like there was enough "horror" to it to give it a full review.  It's more of a action/yakuza/gore/revenge flick that, while good, doesn't have something like Vampires, Frankensteins, or creatures that can regrow parts of their bodies into weaponized forms.  Therefore, I just set it aside in my head in case people asked me about it, but don't intend to write a full review.

From time to time, BHM does recieve screeners that have little to nothing to do with horror but that still should be discussed and mentioned.  From now on, whenever that happens, I'll type up a little mini-review for it so that you at least know whether this film is one you should take the time to look at.  I bring this up because, once again, we've been sent a screener that has absolutely no horror elements whatsoever.  So welcome to the first "Crypticpsych's Not-Quite-Horror Quick Review":

Welcome to Earth is a 2005 independent relationship dramedy set in a time when aliens (or visitors) have made contact with Earth.  After a substantive period of time, the people of Earth have come to grips with the knowledge that we are not alone.  The aliens, meanwhile, have decided they want to hold their first ever summit with Earth, deciding to locate it in Sri Lanka.  In celebration of the historic event, Jack (Jason Alan Smith) has decided to throw a massive party with all of his friends.  The movie takes you through the events of the party leading up to the alien summit.

If the film actually ever showed the aliens, maybe I could justify a full review.  As it is though, the alien meeting is really a framing device for a movie about what's happening in the lives and relationships of Jack and his friends.  One (Albert, played by Zeke Rippy) is trying to move past a divorce he suffered two years prior.  Jack himself is going through a bit of marital strife with his wife Rachel (Jane O'Leary).  Peter (David Mikaels) and his girlfriend Jill (Kate Orsini) are in a similar situation of relationship stress.  You get the general idea.

I didn't really enjoy the movie when I first watched it, mostly because I kept expecting something to happen that would explain why we were sent this as a screener.  However, looking past that, this is a well-done little indie film.  The sound is pretty much perfect the whole way, and all of the performances are realistic.  Admittedly, there do come moments when the viewer has no real idea who to root for (particularly Albert, who oscillates wildly between likeable and spectacularly unlikeable).  It's well-written and the various stories also interlace with each other really well.  However, I should point out that the way the box art and the cover are written seem to imply that this is supposed to be some zany comedy which it most assuredly isn't.  It's mostly just a decently well-done look into the various typical relationships.

Given the choice, I'd give Welcome to Earth a 3.5 out of 5 rating.  It is very well-done and filled with good performances and believable chemistry and interplay but feels like it goes on a bit too long, has too many unnecessary side characters (like the egotistical Professor McMann played by Dick Boland), and never really does much with the whole "aliens" angle until the absolute very end (and even then, really, not much happens on that front).  It's worth at least a look if you're into relationship movies.  Just don't go in expecting aliens to start abducting and probing people, because then you've got the wrong movie.

Until next time, this is Crypticpsych reminding you to look to the stars.