I finished watching and reviewing an Indie horror flick called Maniac on the Loose, and I'm still a little pissed off about it. I guess I shouldn't be mad, but I tend to get passionate about Independent horror, and in my mind the concept is always a good thing that I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt... then sometimes I wonder about this blanket statement.

I guess I have a question really, but I think I already know the answer. Why is it that so many micro-budget Indie flicks are written, directed, produced and starring the same person. Okay, there isn't much budget so hiring a bunch of folks is really not an option here - but sometimes there is another reason, and I play unwittingly into the mix. Sometimes it's because that one person's damn ego is so disgustingly huge that they see the whole thing as some kind of fun game intended to promote themselves and give them something to show at back-room parties filled with people wearing black and sipping Cosmos to prove how overwhelmingly cool they are. And how does this effect me? Well, these films sometimes end up in my hands to watch and review with that review serving as nothing more than another ego-enhancing peg in the hat of the self-serving film maker.

Now, this general rant does not apply to every single one of the "one man band" productions in existence - there are certainly many reasons to be the Chief Cool and Bottle Washer - money is certainly one as well as potentially the feeling that the creative vision of the filmmaker could be somehow compromised if this single person does not perform every single duty themselves. Well, that last one would be the definition of "egocentric" I guess, but it's possible I suppose. But... what if this one person completely and totally SUCKS at one or more of the jobs? If they suck at ALL of the jobs then I get that - they are no-talent slobs who have deluded themselves into thinking that they have some sort of rare and unique talent and by displaying that "talent" on film they will gain fame and fortune - or at least a few more invitations to cocktail parties and bragging rights among their intelligencia friends. Kind of like surrealist art.

What really pisses me off is when at least one of the jobs, writing for example, displays a bit of talent and creativity, but the others are a complete disaster. Is it possible that they don't know that they are a horrifying (not the good kind) cheese-fest as an actor and that they are loosing any semblance of effectiveness from the talent they hire by being a shit-box director? Or do they know? If they don't know then they are clearly stupid - but it takes a lot to get a film, even a micro-budget horror flick, off the ground, and I can't imagine this is a job for a moron. But then if they DO know then they are sabotaging the film and ensuring that they have created a complete waste of time and money. I guess they must not know... but the reason they don't know is because they have fooled themselves into thinking they actually ARE the best thing since sliced bread through the sheer power of ego.

Heck, I'm all for an ego boost, and when I produce my first horror flick you can bet your ass I'll have at least a small cameo - but then I'm not going to direct the thing so if the director says "that sucks, we have to cut that out" then that's his or her job... and good thing there is a system of checks and balances because the last thing I want to create is a sucky movie that inspires a testy rant by some horror website goofball.

So, I issue this open question to micro-budget horror movie creators everywhere - why? Why would you put yourself in every single major role of the film's creation and presention when doing so all but guarantees that there is going to be a substandard result? There MUST be something that I'm missing - please, enlighten me.

Rant complete. Over and out.

So, I'm sitting now at the little glass table in the dining area off the kitchen, right next to three floor- to- ceiling windows that look out over the back deck. I like to sit here and work when I'm doing updates and such for the site because it is close to the refrigerator and there is easy access to the wine glasses and corkscrew.

Anyway, I noticed something strange a few minutes ago - strange noises coming from the windows. Since there is light inside and it is dark outside I can't see anything but my own goofy reflection when I look out the window, but still the noise continued to the point that I had to stop everything and stare for a while. Finally I saw the source of the sounds... a June Bug. I think that's what they are called - brown bugs about the size of a dime that are round and fly around in clumsy patterns, slamming against the glass and making quite a racket. Then I noticed another, and another... after a few minutes there were dozens of these little beasts slamming their brown bodies against the glass in a quest for the light. Seriously, I think there are a MILLION of them out there, all propelling their bodies against the glass. Are they really after the light???

This experience has made me think of movies like Hitchcock's The Birds and countless creepy-crawly type movies that never fail to freak me out. I hate bugs. No, really... those June Bugs are totally freaking me out.

I guess fear can take many forms in horror flicks with the raging psycho with a machete being only one facet. I remember The Descent creeped me out to no end before I ever laid eyes on the cave-dwelling monsters because of the close-quarters of the caves. Do people really go into caves for FUN??? The worst part of Slither was when that huge fat lady exploded and all of those slugs came out and tried to get into everyone's mouth... yuck.  And now, June Bugs.

If I don't come around for a while it just may be because a hoarde of June Bugs broke through my window and consumed my flesh until there is only a skeleton sitting at my computer screen. If that happens, please send help.

Don

In the very (very, very) early days of The Ossuary someone posted something they found, I think, on Facebook. Zombie Day. Take the time to act like a zombie, watch zombie movies and I imagine ensure that your stash is fresh and sufficient and the flame-thrower is working in preparation for the pending outbreak. Speaking of zombie day...

I spent the Memorial day weekend doing a couple of things out in the country. First and foremost the American Flag was waving and I took the time to remember and say a silent prayer for those countless members of our armed forces who gave their lives in defense of our Liberty in this great country of the United States of America. I also gorged on ribs and beans and drank a little (or a lot) too much. And... I worked in the garden.

How does this relate to Zombie Day you ask? Well, it all started with the garden work. For two days I was out with a hoe, a tiller and this little hand-digger thing getting rid of weeds, tending the rows, putting new seed in where the deer had cut off the tender vegetable sprouts leaving only 1/2 inch greenish nubs on the mounds... and all the while the sun was blaring down and the water bottles that I was supposed to be drinking remained full and untouched. The dehydration that set in on Sunday evening brought unbearable headaches to match my decidedly redneck farmer tan that included a glowing crimson on the back of my neck (obviously...) on my legs between my socks and my shorts and from the edge of my short sleeves to my bloodied and dirty finger nails. To top things off I realized early in the day that I was completely out of OFF! so I presented quite the smorgasbord to the billions of blood-sucking insects hovering around the area looking for a worthy victim. So... The end of that day I was miserable, body broken by hours of manual labor, burned to a crisp, head pounding from lack of fluids and itching like crazy from a multitude of bug bites.

The next day I got up, too early because my dog "Litalious Small Fry" (or "Max" for those that don't give their pets ridiculous nicknames) came snorting to the edge of the bed wanting to get outside and pee on everything that was surely peed on the night before... so, I was off to the garden again.

This time I sprayed the Adamms Flea and Tick spray (for the dogs) on myself because it said it also repelled mosquitoes. As a side note I don't recommend that... it didn't hurt or anything but it doesn't work worth a damn... And, I made a conscious decision to drink those bottles of water - in fact I set some out at strategic points throughout the garden so that when I worked up to an area that had a water bottle planted that was my cue to drink the contents. Worked pretty well. For all my planning I did forget the sunscreen. Plus there were some threatening thunder clouds on the horizon so I worked feverishly to beat the pending rainfall... which didn't come until about 7:00 PM after I was done, by the way. At least I got it all done.

Monday yard work finished and I had those ribs and beans and went to bed a little early - and got up at 6:00 AM for the long drive into Atlanta where I work as a sales guy for an Internet Security Services company. Well, it was zombie day and I felt every inch of one. I had conference calls that I don't remember. I took a nap at my desk before taking a three hour lunch to sneak home and get a nap. Man, was I wasted. I don't feel 100% even now... so Zombie Day was completely lived out by yours truly, with or without my consent. I think I even growled at some people.

So, happy Zombie Day! I hope you all had fun stockpiling guns, ammo and food stuffs for the coming inifection - or at least caught Zombie Lake. What should I work on next?... Zombie Gardens?

Yours in horror,

Don Sumner

OK folks - I have been watching this video for a long time and it is just the coolest thing. If you are a big enough dork to love Mary Poppins (like I am) and also love horror movies then this is the best of all worlds... the creator took scenes from the movie Mary Poppins and edited them together to create a horror movie trailer. It's awesome!!!

This is not likely something most people will ever come in contact with.

I've got a creek that comes through my property behind the house. It's beautiful and is one of the reasons I chose this place (I'll need running water and plenty of room to grow food and livestock when the inevitable zombie epidemic hits). There is one thing that I didn't anticipate though... beavers.

Before this year beavers were this mythical kind of "thing" that you might see on the nature channel or National Geographic. They are smart, industrious and actually pretty cool in a beavery sort of way with their flat tails and sharp teeth. Well, they are anything but cool when they stop up the creek causing floods in the areas where the garden and the barn were to be.

It wasn't always like this. When I first got the place and realized there was a beaver dam out back I didn't see the harm. The water was not, at that time, coming over the banks and there was essentially no harm done. The little fur-balls made their dam and created quite a trap for small fish and crawdads so their little beaver lives were full and rich, and I had my own thriving family of beavers living out back. There's something about beavers that I didn't know... they don't create a bountiful home and then bask in the luxury of their surroundings - they keep building... and building... and building. If the beavers could have their way the whole world would be one huge muddy swamp swarming with crawdads that they have no time to eat because they are too busy buidling up their dams ever higher. By the time the flooding started the dam was well established - about 7 feet high with so much mud and rocks packed in that it took me hours to bust through it enough to let the water flow away from the barn site. When I was finally finished I dragged by beaten and broken body to the shower to wash off 3 inches of grime and fell into bed exhausted.

Did you know that beavers are nocternal? I wasn't thinking about that as I sauntered out to the dam site to inflict more damage on the thriving rodent habitat. But wait... the flooding is WORSE! Those rascals had come out in force over night, clearly angry at my vandalism of their aquatic shangra la. Now I really had my work cut out...

Finally I got that dam all the way down and tried to remove all traces that it ever existed. Maybe they would think they lost it and move somewhere with a lower crime rate. No such luck... I was repayed by not one but FIVE new dams along the creek. It seems several of the youngsters had moved out of the house to make it on their own.

Todaychecking the creek for evidence of beaver dams is a daily chore. If I go out there every day then there aren't too many sticks and logs to clear and it doesn't take long. If I wait a week then it all starts over again.

So yes, I have a huge problem with beaver. Every night I have beaver working overtime that are up all night and just won't leave me alone, and it's driving me crazy. Oh, the irony.

Although there are a few things remaining in terms of the format of the "Description" block on profiles The Ossuary is back and stronger than ever. Many elements work better now than before the tragic software upgrade, and profile customization is in find working order. Unfortunately all of the customizations from before the upgrade were lost, so folks should go to "My Profile" and then "Customize Profile" and fix up the colors and format of their self-expression. All photos, videos and music are still there so you won't have to redo that part.

Onward and Upward!

I am in the final stages of working through the nightmare of a software upgrade that caused tons of trouble with The Ossuary. There are a few things not working correctly, namely profile displays (they are all back to default, but all media uploads (pics, videos, music) are intact) and the Video Upload function is currently not working. A few configuration things as well, but those don't affect the function of the site... typically just the headings and such in your browser window.

I must admit that our back-up plan for the site was not yet in effect because we were still putting finishing touches on everything. What a nightmare. As soon as we are whole we will be backed up and SUPER backed up so that nothing like this will happen again.

Bear with us, and stick with what is the coolest horror community on the planet!

The Horror Czar

I can't figure out how to fix this...

We have a cool "Events" feature that people can use for anything from movie openings to zombie-walks to anything in between. Horror Freaks can join the event and be listed as a participant on the Event listing... the trouble is after you join an email goes out from our system thanking you for purchasing the event under a "SpeedDating" category.

I'm working to fix this... but rest assured that there was nothing purchased... We don't have a credit card or anything... it's just a strange system email that I'm working to correct.

Thanks!

Don

Well, the invitation went out to subscribers to Horror Movie Freaks to join The Ossuary and get the good screen names. There are some folks that have really gone all out on their profiles adding cool background images, photo galleries, music that plays when the profile is viewed... very cool.

We're still working through a few kinks in the community software but the final version is near.  Not to be confused with "The Sherrif is Near"...

I am really looking forward to getting this new community off the ground. I've tried to participate in the forums and such that other sites have and just can't get engaged. I don't know... it seems to me that most of those sites have a core of folks that berate everyone else if they don't agree with their views. So... if there isn't lively conversation going on then there is nothing really else to do there.

We've taken the best of YouTube, Flicker and MySpace and made it specific to Horror Freaks - Perhaps a big risk but I think that there are plenty of us around to make this community thrive. I need to change some of the headings on the menu bar, the ones for Videos, Photos and Music to make it clear that these are sharing channels - different from the things that show only on a profile (under my profile for each member).  Once we have more folks uploading things to share it will be more interesting for everyone to participate here... but the key is making it clear what this is about.

So, off to work. In the meantime upload some pics, videos and music from the main menu bar and start the sharing process... Oh, and videos can be embedded elsewhere like YouTube so upload here and then play wherever you want!

Now I'm rambling...

The Horror Czar 

I am so excited about the looming launch of The Ossuary! For so long now enthusiastic visitors to Best-Horror-Movies.com have been clammouring for a place to share in the community here at BHM. Sure, we have "Horror Movie Questions", "Horror Lists", "Ask the Zombie Master" and so on, but this is different - real-time interaction with horror fans across the globe.

Those other reader-submission avenues will continue to exist, but I think The Ossuary will fill a bit of a void. Forums, personal profiles, uploads of pictures, video and music, posting of events and groups of like-minded Horror Freaks are all here in The Ossuary.

I can't wait until launch... very soon!

The Horror Czar

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