I am so excited about the looming launch of The Ossuary! For so long now enthusiastic visitors to Best-Horror-Movies.com have been clammouring for a place to share in the community here at BHM. Sure, we have "Horror Movie Questions", "Horror Lists", "Ask the Zombie Master" and so on, but this is different - real-time interaction with horror fans across the globe.

Those other reader-submission avenues will continue to exist, but I think The Ossuary will fill a bit of a void. Forums, personal profiles, uploads of pictures, video and music, posting of events and groups of like-minded Horror Freaks are all here in The Ossuary.

I can't wait until launch... very soon!

The Horror Czar

Best-Horror-Movies.com

Well, the invitation went out to subscribers to Horror Movie Freaks to join The Ossuary and get the good screen names. There are some folks that have really gone all out on their profiles adding cool background images, photo galleries, music that plays when the profile is viewed... very cool.

We're still working through a few kinks in the community software but the final version is near.  Not to be confused with "The Sherrif is Near"...

I am really looking forward to getting this new community off the ground. I've tried to participate in the forums and such that other sites have and just can't get engaged. I don't know... it seems to me that most of those sites have a core of folks that berate everyone else if they don't agree with their views. So... if there isn't lively conversation going on then there is nothing really else to do there.

We've taken the best of YouTube, Flicker and MySpace and made it specific to Horror Freaks - Perhaps a big risk but I think that there are plenty of us around to make this community thrive. I need to change some of the headings on the menu bar, the ones for Videos, Photos and Music to make it clear that these are sharing channels - different from the things that show only on a profile (under my profile for each member).  Once we have more folks uploading things to share it will be more interesting for everyone to participate here... but the key is making it clear what this is about.

So, off to work. In the meantime upload some pics, videos and music from the main menu bar and start the sharing process... Oh, and videos can be embedded elsewhere like YouTube so upload here and then play wherever you want!

Now I'm rambling...

The Horror Czar 

I finished watching and reviewing an Indie horror flick called Maniac on the Loose, and I'm still a little pissed off about it. I guess I shouldn't be mad, but I tend to get passionate about Independent horror, and in my mind the concept is always a good thing that I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt... then sometimes I wonder about this blanket statement.

I guess I have a question really, but I think I already know the answer. Why is it that so many micro-budget Indie flicks are written, directed, produced and starring the same person. Okay, there isn't much budget so hiring a bunch of folks is really not an option here - but sometimes there is another reason, and I play unwittingly into the mix. Sometimes it's because that one person's damn ego is so disgustingly huge that they see the whole thing as some kind of fun game intended to promote themselves and give them something to show at back-room parties filled with people wearing black and sipping Cosmos to prove how overwhelmingly cool they are. And how does this effect me? Well, these films sometimes end up in my hands to watch and review with that review serving as nothing more than another ego-enhancing peg in the hat of the self-serving film maker.

Now, this general rant does not apply to every single one of the "one man band" productions in existence - there are certainly many reasons to be the Chief Cool and Bottle Washer - money is certainly one as well as potentially the feeling that the creative vision of the filmmaker could be somehow compromised if this single person does not perform every single duty themselves. Well, that last one would be the definition of "egocentric" I guess, but it's possible I suppose. But... what if this one person completely and totally SUCKS at one or more of the jobs? If they suck at ALL of the jobs then I get that - they are no-talent slobs who have deluded themselves into thinking that they have some sort of rare and unique talent and by displaying that "talent" on film they will gain fame and fortune - or at least a few more invitations to cocktail parties and bragging rights among their intelligencia friends. Kind of like surrealist art.

What really pisses me off is when at least one of the jobs, writing for example, displays a bit of talent and creativity, but the others are a complete disaster. Is it possible that they don't know that they are a horrifying (not the good kind) cheese-fest as an actor and that they are loosing any semblance of effectiveness from the talent they hire by being a shit-box director? Or do they know? If they don't know then they are clearly stupid - but it takes a lot to get a film, even a micro-budget horror flick, off the ground, and I can't imagine this is a job for a moron. But then if they DO know then they are sabotaging the film and ensuring that they have created a complete waste of time and money. I guess they must not know... but the reason they don't know is because they have fooled themselves into thinking they actually ARE the best thing since sliced bread through the sheer power of ego.

Heck, I'm all for an ego boost, and when I produce my first horror flick you can bet your ass I'll have at least a small cameo - but then I'm not going to direct the thing so if the director says "that sucks, we have to cut that out" then that's his or her job... and good thing there is a system of checks and balances because the last thing I want to create is a sucky movie that inspires a testy rant by some horror website goofball.

So, I issue this open question to micro-budget horror movie creators everywhere - why? Why would you put yourself in every single major role of the film's creation and presention when doing so all but guarantees that there is going to be a substandard result? There MUST be something that I'm missing - please, enlighten me.

Rant complete. Over and out.

Years ago when I was still in school there was a television series called "Friday the 13th, The Series". I was all for horror serials but the name made me a little bit mad... I was already a convert to horror and well versed in the Friday the 13th horror movies (Part VI Jason Lives came out a year earlier, but we hadn't yet seen New Blood) so this seemed just a little bit too much like a name rip-off for my taste. I don't remember if I watched it when it was first-run or years later on the Sci-Fi Channel, but I do know that at some point I sat down and watched my first episode. Man, I thought it was awesome!

The premise of the series involves two cousins, Ryan (played by John D. Le May) and Micki (played by Louise Robey who inexplicably decided to go by simply "Robey"... like Cher or something... anyway) who meet each other for the first time when they visit an antique store that they jointly inherited from an uncle that neither of them had ever met. Not much for family reunions it seems.

After some quick set-up we learn that the antique store is filled with items cursed by the devil via a pact that Louis made with the evil one. Everyone who buys one of the cursed items ends up using it for dark and dastardly purposes and causes general death, destruction and mayhem. It appears that Louis started to feel guilty and backed out of the bargain of selling these items to unsuspecting patrons because part of the pact was for Louis' immortality and he is, well, dead. The family duo meet up with another guy named Jack Marshak (Chris Wiggins) that is some kind of witchy-poo occultist guy and the three of them set out to retrieve all of the cursed items and save humanity from the evil artifacts. Each new episode is the hunt for and retrieval of a new item from the store... which can be easier said than done as those antiques, while evil and harbingers of harm, also bestrow upon the owners some kind of longed-for benefit; The owners don't want to part with them.

So... the episodes from this series, which ran for three years, have recently become available on DVD and I received a small box of the Season 1 DVDs to give away in a contest for BHM. Plus... I got a copy for myself. I excitedly ripped open the box remembering those hours of fun years ago when I watched this series and started thinking... why not write some general thoughts about the episodes as I watch them?

Now, I've made a deal with myself... I can't watch a new episode until I've blogged about the previous one. This might mean that it takes me forever to watch all 26 episodes of Season one or it may mean that I'm going to be an extremely active blogger for the next couple of weeks. I'm also going to include links to the series on DVD on Amazon (via The BHM store "The Horror Shop") so that, if you want, you can get your own and comment on the blog entries as we go. Or, if there are a lot of folks that want to talk about them I'll start a group on The Ossuary for the series... or maybe you just want to read and get the lowdown... or maybe you just won't read any of it. It's gonna be fun for me anyway, so all is well.

Since I've already watched the first episode I'm going to launch right into it in a following blog post because I want to hurry up and watch the next one. A deal's a deal. So... off to the next post!

Oh, and if I did this right then clicking on the graphic below will bring you to the Amazon page for the first season... If the pic doesn't work then try the link below. If that doesn't work then I'm gonna have to figure it out...

Friday The 13th - The Series: The First Season

Friday the 13th: The Series launches right in with crazy Louis scurrying around the antique shop trying to get some work done. A very unpleasant couple and their cute but bratty little daughter come in from the rain amid protests of "We're Closed!" from Louis... but he relents. When the little girl takes a liking to a talking doll Louis snatches it out of her hand and shoos the family away.  Not before the little girl takes the doll outside and it slashes the throat of some dude working on his car, but still... it seems Louis has had enough of his pact and decides that enough is enough. Satan promptly appears and throws him down an elevator shaft into the pits of hell.

We then meet Micki and Ryan - not much detail but I guess they figure that we have a whole series to get to know them. Then Jack comes around and the trio is complete. It is miraculous how quickly they determine that Louis had a pact with the devil, that the items are cursed and that they need to retrieve them all. But, they only had an hour after all...

The little girl's Dad came back and begged for the doll for the spoiled rotten daughter, and got it.  Now the trio has to get it back before the "little princess" kills the whold damn neighborhood.

Thoughts:

This series was lower budget than I remember... the effects in the beginning with the devil scene are really stupid. The point gets across though and it works for me just fine... my excitement is rising as I anticipate future episodes.  The kill scenes are pretty good with things moving on their own and that scary talking doll... a phobia of mine. So far so good as the series kicks off.

I think I forgot how friggin HUGE Micki aka "Robey" single-name wants to be a singer in Canada - how big her hair was!! I'm talking larger than her shoulders. And does she have a British accent or doesn't she?  She can't seem to decide. I also forgot about her fiance, which she pronounces like "Fi - Yawn - Si" who treats her like crap, is in the very first scene and then yells at her on the phone as she's deciding to stay out of town and work on the evil antiques. Strange... guess they wanted us to know that she had a life, albeit a crummy one, before the store.  Well, she looked rich I guess, but still treated like crap, her and her big hair.

Ryan is cool and kid-like exactly how I remember. Overall it's working great.

The meeting with Jack was preposterous... he snuck into the shop wearing a dark cloak, poked around the books, threatened them both with some kind of stick when they caught him, but when he said "I knew Louis and he owes me money... and btw I am a witch man with crystal balls and tarot cards" Micki and Ryan were like "Oh, okay... here's the keys. Here's the safe. Let's go hunting artifacts!"  The whole thing was a bit abrupt.

So, that is all for episode one.  A good start to the series that pretty much set the entire tone of a complicated story in one hour, and still managed to get the doll back. Isn't TV amazing?

Until next time, bloody hatchets to you all.

The second episode of Friday the 13th, The Series surrounds a pen that can make predictions of evil come true. The pen is in the hands of a member of a monastery who uses it to do away with all opposition to selling the monastery and making off with millions of dollars. Micki, Ryan and Jack go under cover as monks to solve the riddle and retrieve the poison pen.

Thoughts:

So, I'm noticing that although this is just the second episode everyone is acting like they've gone after cursed artifacts for months and months. Clearly the intention is that, aside from the first episode, each episode can be viewed in any order and there is no on-going storyline development at all to make anything seem out of place. I actually remember this episode vividly from years ago, primarily because there is a monastery in the middle of some large city that has a fully stocked and functional torture and execution chamber... not very likely.

The effects in this one are just as bad as in the first when the blade from a guillotine comes off of its frame and chases some dude around the room. Silly. Some of the others, however, are very cool concepts. The strength of this series is not in the effects but in the creativity of the scenarios and the evil way in which the artifacts give some benefit to the owner in exchange for the owner committing some dastardly deed to "charge" it for the next use. The EP is very well done, if not plausible. Good episode.

Cupid's Quiver is the third episode of Friday the 13th: The Series and is about an ancient statue of cupid that causes women to fall hopelessly in love with the man who carries it. Unfortunately for the love struck females the second they utter the words "I love you" their love interest becomes compelled to kill her.

Thoughts:

This one is funny on a number of levels. First, the opening scene; A very nerdy dude brings the statue into a bar, hits on a woman who soundly rejects him, and then aims the cupid at her so that some kind of laser-beam can come out of it and change her tune. At the "love motel" later that night she speaks "the words" and he proceeds to choke her, until the cops come storming in out of nowhere. Doesn't make sense that the cops were there and it makes even less sense that there are several members of a fraternity there with them. What? Anyway, a frat boy steals the thing right out from under the cop's noses.

The frat dork that the brothers allow to clean up the joint steals it next and starts to find the power. Kills one girl by locking her in a truck with a bee hive which was pretty fun... beyond that there are no big revelations and the story goes along as you would suspect with no real surprises. Still, the way that the items work and the evil they bring are actually pretty brilliant. Good writers in story if not in dialog.

Some strange woman is sneaking around the park at night and inviting homeless people to have a drink of tea from an ornate teacup. When they do the vines on the cup come alive and choke the person, giving the owner of the cup some quality that the person that is now dead had... i.e. youth. The adventure takes Micki, Ryan and Jack into the glamorous world of rock music and the quest for long-lost youngness.

Thoughts:

This episode is funny because of Bertie, this older woman social worker who has a crush on Jack and chases him around. She actually becomes trouble late in the episode but it all ends well.

The concept of killing someone to take from them some trait that you covet is not a new one and is dealt with well in this EP - the effects even work here because nothing has to fly around, no laser beams get shot, nobody falls into the pits of hell, you know, things that need good effects.

I realized in this one that Micki is really a bitch. I guess that's what happens when you have to wear your hair a little smaller than usual and you hang around with immature Ryan and "Witchie-Poo" Jack for a couple of episodes in a row. In fact, Micki's hair is getting progressively smaller as the EPs progress. Maybe that huge helmet of flaming red was too much, even for the late 1980s. Then again, maybe not; the "rock star" in this EP has absolutely enormous hair. Maybe they didn't want "big hair wars" that might make Micki's hair actually look small... be small on purpose and you can always claim that if it had been made big then it would have been supremely big and won the big hair award for sure.

Well, that's the end of the first DVD - five more to go!  Until next time, killer tea for you all!

We are only into the fifth episode and already there is a Halloween special. I guess that if you have a television series called "Friday the 13th" you had better have a Halloween special.

In this EP Micki, Ryan and Witchy-Poo (Jack) have a Halloween party inside the antique store and invite all of the neighbors that have visions of evil when they think of the store and the prior owner Uncle Louis. Things go terribly wrong, however, when some goofy dudes bypass the "do not enter" sign and go downstairs where the vault that houses all of the devil items is located. Those guys inadvertently conjure spirits via a crystal ball and open a path for the damned Uncle Louis to visit while a dwarf chick pretending to be a little girl locks Witchy-Poo in some kind of cage so that he can't help. Louis gets his hands on some amulet that might make it possible for him to roam the earth again.

Thoughts:

I like the fact that this isn't one of the "one size fits all" EPs that could show in any order. I understand what they're trying to do by making any episode be appropriate in any order, but I still like it when a little more is going on.

Other than the unique storyline this is not one of my favorites. The evil magic wasn't as good as some previous where vines choke people and rock stars turn 125 years old before your very eyes... now that was cool. Chasing down Uncle Louis and his whacked-out demon/dwarf friend is not quite as cool. Still fun, but not one of the better offerings.