I watch dvds.  Some might say I'm addicted.  Those people would probably be right.  Going by my excel spreadsheet that I use for organization(not the similar word file...its not numbered.), I currently own roughly 433 movies and 134 TV releases.  Of those, I havent watched the dvds of roughly 197 movies and 36 TV releases.  So yeah, dvds are my heroin probably (though cheaper and more satisfying than heroin I'd wager, I wouldn't know).

One of the reasons I'm a far greater fan of DVD than I ever was of VHS (besides the fact that vhs hit when I was younger) is that DVD has the ability to add extra features, as everyone knows.  I have simple tastes generally though.  For example, I actually like the inclusion of Theatrical Trailers a lot more than most probably do (which is why I just uploaded the trailers for all the films I've reviewed).  But I'm no fool, I know what a great feature is.  Some of my overall horror favorites include the Working With A Master and Interview with a Master featurettes on almost every ep of Masters of Horror in Season One, the "Labyrinth" on the Nightmare on Elm Street box set (informative...yet waay complicated), the Silent Night, Deadly Night slideshow of bad reviews (more movies should revel in their bad reviews), the zombie thoughts subtitles on the most recent version of Return of the Living Dead (because that's just freaking creative), the short film "Rings" on the dvd of Ring Two (nice way to bridge the story), and the Gerald McBoingBoing cartoons on the Hellboy 2-disc (because why the heck would you expect that?).

Which brings me to the greatest feature I've ever seen.  Like the Gerald McBoingboing cartoons, I had no reason to see this coming (outside of packaging advertising of course).  You may have noticed my new review of the French (and sorta Georgian) noir thriller 13 Tzameti.  I praised the movie's simplicity pretty well in the review, but I left out something on purpose to discuss it here.  For a kinda underground, sorta-unknown release, 13 Tzameti has a SURPRISINGLY packed DVD.  Besides interviews with the director and the two actors I mention, there's a rather interesting interview that's kinda nebulous.  Appears to be a guy who actually bets on something similar to the plot of the movie trying to explain and justify his actions in an interview.  Very sociologically appealing.

But that's all an appetizer for the single greatest special feature I've ever seen.  For also on this disc, advertised on the back, is "Sunday's Game - A short film about some nice old ladies".  "Sunday's Game" is a great short in some ways by being everything that 13 Tzameti is not. Game is a color film (allowing the walls to be convincingly painted with grue), while Tzameti is black and white (allowing the action and tension to take the stage).  Tzameti is a noir thriller, as I've mentioned...but Game is the most morbidly hysterical dark comedy I've EVER seen.

I've taken the liberty of enriching you all by uploading this roughly 8 minute slice of heaven to The Ossuary's video section and tagging it into this blog post below:

Things of note:

-There is always something hilarious about mundane conversation in a completely INSANE situation.  Watch it a second time if you like and just follow the dialogue.

-Even if you KNOW what's generally coming from this (hint:  look at the dvd it's on), the way it lulls you into a false sense of complacency for the first 2 minutes 40 seconds is pretty clever.  Don't fast forward though.  Let the suburbia envelope you.

-The old lady who's hard of hearing and a little slow:  Most.  hilarious.  old lady.  EVER.

-This short would NEVER work if the nonchalance of the characters wasn't maintained the WHOLE time.

-Watch for the little things:  tea reactions vs. blood reactions, the hard of hearing woman's blissfully idiotic smile after she complies with the rule change.

-"So my son finally shows up.  It's quarter to five...."  = classic.

So, in conclusion, watch Sunday's Game, love Sunday's Game, hell, tell your friends.  This short's so good, I feel it's my duty to rescue it from special feature obscurity.

This is Crypticpsych saying....I take mine with five sugars and whole milk.

Evening folks! It's....2:18AM on the east coast of the US and I'm home from my "Vacation". We'll come back to why that's in quotes in a moment. First, I wanna just mention that probably Tuesday or Wednesday, I have another, far more interesting entry lined up. But I needed to do this.

As I mentioned in the site report from Monstermania, I was planning the following weekend to head home to Louisiana (where I was born and lived for 15 years.) The plan was to go down for a family members 90th birthday and to see my favorite cousin (also a horror afficionado). This is an account of how that went. Thursday at 545, I hopped a flight out of Newark to Dallas, transfer to New Orleans. Flights werent terrible. No big problems with seatmates or anything. Got to the Louis Armstrong International Airport in New Orleans, and waited for the shuttle to take me to the hotel. And waited. Every other hotel shuttle came once before mine did. I guess I just have bad timing. There was free wi-fi at the hotel, but I mostly used it to follow Hurricane Gustav.

On Friday, the hurricane center didn't know where Gustav was going, and models were pointing everywhere from Texas to Florida. I spent my day...screwing plywood onto my grandparents windows with my uncle and father. Driving around, many stores were already boarded up. One, STUPIDLY, had broken down boxes and taped them to the inside of their windows (oh that'll work REAL good when the 70mph winds hit.) That night there was a minor family reunion where I met up people I hadn't seen in years. I then went outside and talked to my cousin via cellphone for an hour. I never got to see her on this trip...which is moderately distressing since I'm 80-90% sure she didn't evacuate, but I know that was what she wanted. We talked about movies (she liked 13: Game of Death as much as I did) and our lives. I ended up getting a 100% free copy of Dog Soldiers she'd loaned to my grandfather. When I went to bed, Gustav was a Category 1.

When I woke up, it was a Category 4. Saturday we visited my uncle the police officer. The mayor lost his mind, and told his people to "be scared" and "get their butts out". The airport decided to close sunday at 6. My flight was monday at 7. I got on one of the last flight's out. My hotel closed, but we were allowed to stay til the next morning while the national guard and fire folks arrived (nothing is more chilling than a national guard procession driving by in front of you in an average U.S. town). Evacuations were called for in all parishes. And I wouldn't be shocked if we see Katrina level devastation. (We may not, but I don't like the looks of this.)

Sunday, the streets were pretty deserted. We went to the airport which was one of the creepiest places I've ever been. First, we couldn't drop off the rental car as Budget had closed up. No shuttle either. We got it through the gate though because they allowed us too, and, after walking halfway to the terminal, a thrifty shuttle took us in. You couldn't be inside without ticket confirmation. No food or drink or anything was sold. M.R.E.'s were given out if people wanted them though I saw no one eating them. I was waiting at my terminal for 5 hours. Earlier flights going to other places came and went, people got bumped up. But I couldnt' be. So I was there at 330...when the outerband hit quickly. Rain poured down against the windows for a good 5-10 minutes. Short, I know, but I could see OUT that window 2 minutes before, now I could see nothing. I got out on a flight to Chicago O'Hare and connected over to Newark. (on the Chicago-Newark flight I had a spirited discussion of stephen king with a seatmate so that was nice). As we flew out toward O'Hare....and I looked out the window of the relatively empty flight....I've never seen a more empty looking major city than that.

And here I sit. To my knowledge the vast majority of my family is out, and those who aren't...they know what they are getting into. For me, this is nothing new. I lived there during Andrew and other storms from 1985-2000. But it doesn't make the general situation any easier.

I hope this isn't too much of a downer, but I got back early and thought people would like to know what it was like from someone who was down there and not a cnn or weather channel talking head. I'll have something more interesting and amusing later this week, but for now, I just thought I'd "educate" so to speak.

Yeah.....that title sounds so much better when they do it. 

So yeah, as I previously blogged, I rented six movies last Monday and said I would give my quick thoughts later (might do full reviews of some at some other point way later but this will do for now.)  After not watching any of them until Saturday I decided to watch the six pretty much in a row.  Remember kids, I'm a trained professional.  Sorta.  So now here are my thoughts in the order that I watched them.  While the order was done pretty much at random, I should note that this basically is the order I wouldve gone for:

1)  Funny Games (remake) (2007)-

Rating:  7 Callaway Drivers out of 10

I wanted to say great things about Funny Games, I really did.  And its a good movie with a pretty captivating storyline.  But it suffers for certain reasons.  For one, like Hard Candy (which I like), the movie presents your main family as people who you never really identify with.  They're uppercrust snobs basically, who you have a bit of a rough time wanting to see survive since they seem like theyd be phony around you and stab you in the back when you aren't looking.  Similarly, the villains seem kinda exactly like the people they're going after:  rich, upper class snobs as seen in their attire.  So you don't know why their doing it and can't really identify with them either.  Thatd be ok if, like in Hard Candy, the story kept rolling without a slow patch and the viewer was continually along for the ride and not kept in tension.  But unfortunately, after a "misunderstanding" with a shotgun, the villains leave their victims for a while and you the viewer are treated to roughly 10-15 minutes of them trying to free themselves and dry their phone and escape.  The length kills that, particularly when about 3 minutes of it is just Naomi Watts's character trying to stand up slowly and remove her duct tape and shut off the tv.

I should note though that the movie does get 7 drivers because the villains are still very good in the way they toy with their victims.  Also, the breaking of the fourth wall that happens four times over the course of this movie, is something I actually enjoyed, stylistically speaking.  Overall, the movie has an engaging plot but cant maintain its pace around the middle.  It's actors are ones you dont particularly care survive or not even though it should be noted they give good performances.  And I should mention, I actually predicted the ending sequence right down to the final shot, which is not necessarily a good thing.  It's worth a rent at the least, but I wouldnt buy it both for the reasons I've mentioned and because the dvd is as bare bones as bare bones gets.  There is literally NOTHING on it.  Overall, its above average, but underwhelming for me(I may have set the bar too high for it so your mileage may vary).  Moving on to Saturday's second film:

2)  ZA:  Zombies Anonymous (AKA Last Rites of the Dead)(released on dvd 2008, made in 2006)-

Rating:  9.5 Jars of Look Alive Face Cream out of 10

Of the 6 movies I rented that day, this was the only one I did not go in thinking about.  I didn't even know about this movie.  I'd never even HEARD of it.  But when the title is that interesting and the synopsis grabs you like this one's did, I couldnt resist.  And I am damn glad I did.  This movie is outstanding.  A review I read after I'd seen it summed it up perfectly:  It's not a zombie movie, it's a movie about zombies.  It's a blend of a dark comedy, a drama, a horror movie, a splatter flick, and an action movie.  The movie is very well shot for an indie film...hell it's better shot than some mainstream ones.  The gore is GENERALLY convincing (and when it isn't well remember, it's an indie flick).  The plot pours in almost Romeroan levels of social commentary.  You could see it as musings on terrorism and guerilla warfare, a look at racism, and indictment of religion, all in one.  Not to mention the acting is solid throughout.  I cannot say enough good things about this movie.

So why didnt I give it 10 out of 10 you ask?  Because the movie does have one flaw.  Whoever lined it up for release made a series of very bad cuts.  You can find the uncut sequences on youtube if you look hard enough, but as it is, one character cuts her hair after a certain event occurs and dyes it.  This isnt shown, she just appears that way.  Thus, if you don't know it's coming, you might be lost for about the last third of the movie.  Also, some of the violent bits were excised unfortunately, but it should be noted that what remains is spectacularly bloody in and of itself, so I personally didnt' miss it.  However, in general, both of those points are small potatoes considering how pleasant a surprise and how awesome this movie is.  I recommend it to everyone on every level.  It was a great way to end Saturday.  Now:  Sunday's foursome began with:

3)  The Ruins (2008)-

Rating:  8 Ringing Cellphones out of 10

How ironic that I'm going to begin this review of a movie that I liked a lot by saying something I'm going to come back to in another part of this:  I'm sick and tired of these damn movies that pretend every teenager is from Laguna Beach or The Hills or some other show filled with vapid, dumbass, rocks-for-brains partyhound teenagers.  This movie lost a star and a half at the very start for having such thoroughly unlikeable leads (with the exception of Mathias who I loved).  I mean, I KNOW Jena Malone could act better than that.  Granted, by the end of the movie, she and the rest proved that point quite well which is why it's still an 8.  Once I got past that opening bit, I was captivated by the atmosphere and the outstanding gore effects, not to mention the plot twists (like the flowers).  I have a lot of respect for a movie that actually produces a genuinely frightening atmosphere AND gets a wide release these days.  I'm probably being unnecessarily harsh on it, because it is very good, but those damn actors really got me in the wrong mood from the start.

That, and the other lost half-star I blame on the people who released it.  Are we that jaded we can't have a nihilistic ending anymore?  The dvd is made with an alternate ending, has another alternate ending, and has the original theatrical ending.  Two of the three end on a downbeat in a way.  Through a tiny change, one of them doesnt.  Guess which one they used in theatrical release.  We CAN handle a dark ending studio people.  Geez.  Overall, though, definitely worth seeing if you can get past the eyesplittingly whiny characters early on so that they develop more as the film progresses.  Next:

4)  13:  Game of Death (released in 2006, dvd in 2008)-

Rating:  10 Twisted Challenges out of 10

If someone gave you the chance to win tons of money, what would you do to get it?  How far would you go?  This Thai(read:  subtitled) import asks that question of a down-his-luck salesman and takes you along for every second of the ethically questionable and morally challenging ride.  This film has it all.  The challenges are twisted, sometimes in ingenious ways, the movie is filled with a dark twisted humor (the chair beating in one challenge is darkly hysterical), the actors are all believable, and the overall ending caught me completely by surprise. 

When I originally said this and the next film were on the rental list, I said that I hoped they weren't just saw clones.  This one isn't by any means.  This film is more of an adrenaline fueled thriller with inklings of films like Shoot 'Em Up and Wanted in it.  Is it strictly horror?  No, it's definitely more thriller than horror.  However, it's deeply engaging, totally unforgettable, and a wild ride.  An outstanding accomplishment.  Next:  was the other a Saw clone?

5)  Steel Trap (released in 2007, dvd in 2008)-

Rating:  6 Nursery Rhymes out of 10

Oh....Steel Trap.  Ohhhhh boy...I'm torn on how to describe my feelings for it.  First things first...see that case?  Looks great doesnt it?  Yeah don't expect to see it.  Or almost anything like it.  Number 2:  Following is the word for word synopsis on the back of the case:  "A New Year's bash in an abandoned high-rise building turns into a grisly bloodbath when five guests receive a mysterious text invite to a VIP party on the 27th floor.  Joined by two crashers, the strangers soon realize they're trapped, and the only way out is through the twisted clues of a psychopath.  The catch?  Each game leads to one of their own gruesome deaths.  With a series of shocking twists, Steel Trap holds you in its grip all the way to its mind-blowing ending."  Now TELL ME that's not Saw/Saw 2.

Well actually....it isn't.  They try to hook you in with that.  If you notice, the cover has a distinctly Saw feel (note the saw blades).  It's actually a slasher film more than it is a Saw movie.  The challenges never really lead directly to someone's death, and the movie is more a scavenger hunt than a death trap type situation.  Not only that:  the acting....is unbelievably hammy and bad.  On a hilarious level.  You will be laughing at almost every character by the time the movie is over.  The script is equally hysterical, switching between insanely dumb dialogue, snarky one-liners, and random statements of the obvious.

Why you may ask, did I give it a 6 then?  I liked it actually.  Because its so unbelievably hysterical.  It's very much one of those "you people are so stupid" movies.  I also like the look of the killer, even though he's underdeveloped and underused.  Also, the use of twisted nursery rhymes to lead people around was amusing, as was murders themed off of little nameplates the victims were given early on.  But the big thing that saved it from a 5 or less was the ending.  Is it mind-blowing?  No.  Did it come out of left field? Hell yes.  But it was also one of the most surreal, hilarious, ways of revealing the ending I've ever seen.  As a whole, this movie gets a 6 because I love this movie.  And I KNOW I shouldn't.  And now.....we come to....*sigh*....

6)  April Fool's Day (remake) (direct to dvd 2008)-

Rating:  2.5 Pranks out of 10

Hollywood rule no. 1:  If you can't outright lie about what the movie is on the cover (see above), the other way to sell some direct to dvd movies is to throw a pair of....assets...on the cover.  See that thing that says "unrated"?  Yeah, ignore that.  It's direct-to-dvd.  It's ALL unrated.  Now then.  I wanted to hate this movie on every level.  Unfortunately I couldnt.  Not on EVERY level.  But damn close.  First off:  That thing I mentioned about the Hills-ified horror movie in The Ruins?  This movie keeps that the whole time.  Only one of the principles comes close to giving a good performance.  Terrible and thoroughly unlikeable actors.  Second:  If you're gonna remake an 80s slasher classic, dont do this:

This is the original cover art/poster art of the classic original.  If you ever have a chance, take a look at the picture on the dvd of the remake (the disc itself I mean).  It's basically an exact replica of this shot, minus the noose.  The shot is from behind, girl's holding a knife, and the rest of the characters are toasting.  Theres a fine line between remake and ripoff.  And that crosses it, turns around and pees on it.  Also, whether youve seen the original or not, the plot basically walks you by the hand to the thoroughly unsurprising (as a result) end (and cribs pretty danged liberally from I Know What You Did Last Summer to do that, oddly).  The music is also bizarre:  you cant tell if they're just using bad, out of place music or paying homage to the 80s (I HIGHLY doubt that option).

I couldve given it 1 instead of 2.5.  But:  Scout Taylor-Compton is pretty good in this actually as Torrance.  Thats worth a star.  Also, the way that the movie revamped the old twist itself in that they updated how it was all done did deserve a star.....until they went and wrecked it with a double twist (almost triple twist really).  So I gave that a half-star instead.  Thus a VERY generous 2.5 stars out of 10.  Do not see this movie.  3 minutes and 27 seconds in, I wanted to throw the dvd out of the player.  I didnt.  I'm still not sure whether I should have or not.

And thats all folks.  I dunno when I'll do something like this again, but if I do, youll be the first to know.

Until next time, please remember:  Friends don't let friends do direct-to-dvd remakes.

So you think you had a strange Monday?  Top this:

I woke up a touch late today so I had no time for breakfast, just headed to the lab.  I forgot that today was the blood drive, so I ran down and filled out the paperwork.  Had a cup of coffee (milk and five sugars.  always.)  Told them this, they told me i'd have to eat first.  I had a cup of orange juice, and gave blood.  He couldnt find my vein on my right arm.  Then my left.  Then my right, where he finally found it.  I told him I wasn't going to look away because "I write for a horror website."  lol.  I didn't watch it puncture me, but that was a way bigger needle than I thought.  I plugged the site ot him, talked about a couple movies.  Then I went and had a donut, a kudos bar, and a cup of cran-raspberry.  Went back to work.  Did things with my left arm, like lifted a full 5 gallon drum of junk oil for removal.  Did a filtration. Then I tried to pour chemical into a bottle...using my right arm.  Pain.  Sat down, started to sweat.  Went and got water, went to the bathroom, headed back to the lab.  Getting progressively more lightheaded as I walk, and barely make it back.  I proceed to sweat profusely, breathe heavily.  First aid gets there, tells me i'm white as a sheet.  I'm freaking miserable.  They're trying to get my pulse and blood pressure.  They can't (remember the vein problems?).  Finally, over the next 20 minutes, I return to normal.  Drive to Burger King, get a triple, spend the rest of the day relaxing (so to speak.)  So yeah.  Almost passed out in the middle of a chemical lab today.  That's new eh?

On the plus side though, that trip to Burger King yielded more than just a tasty burger (sorta. It's fast food, I work with what I can get.).  I gave a dollar to The Jimmy Fund there.  Got a scratch off with a "Buy one get one" for blockbuster.  So that's where I went after work.  And now I'm gonna be watching over the next few days (besides previously viewed dvds of DOA:  Dead or Alive and The Messengers at 3.99 a pop):

THE GOOD:

The Ruins

Funny Games

THE WILD CARDS:

Steel Trap

13: Game of Death (i'm hoping both of those are better than simple saw clones.)

ZA:  Zombies Anonymous (loooooks funny.......)

And THE WHY WHY WHY WHY WHYS:

April Fool's Day REMAKE!  (Yes, I shall take the punishment of this direct to dvd travesty for the betterment of Ossuary kind.)

I'll probably mention my feelings on these 6 after I've watched them.  But for now, I'm gonna lie down and continue to replenish blood cells.  lol.  Happy Haunting.

So, a quick note here while I've got a moment away from the paper shredder (I swear I'm gonna go Leatherface on the first person I meet who sends out junk mail)

In case you didn't see yet, my newest review of Tales from the Crypt Presents:  Demon Knight is up.  I apologize for its length but the movie is very plot heavy.  I mean, the review is that long, and I only covered a third of the plot.  But there's something no one here knows about my personal love of this movie, not even The Horror Czar who edited the "director's cut" so to speak.

As I've mentioned before on here, I wrote a very long thesis on the evolution of the female protagonist in horror that, probably relatively soon, I'm going to start going through and editing and then blogging in installments.  I've kept relatively mum about the movies that I covered though in it because, while mostly I covered the standards (Carrie, Friday the 13th, the entire Nightmare on Elm Street series), I did do something very different in it that one of my advisers on the thesis didn't like.  When I was covering the rise of the masculine female in the nineties, I used two movies to illustrate my point.  While it is more a crime thriller, I couldn't NOT use Silence of the Lambs....and the other movie I chose was Demon Knight.  My adviser thought that its inclusion reduced the impact of the paperand that it had no place in such a scholarly type of paper.  My adviser happened to be a published film critic/author who wrote books on various genres and movies.  My argument?  I ignored him and adjusted how I introduced it, basically inserting a few lines in the paper as a big middle finger to him:

" While The Silence of the Lambs has transcended its genre to be described by some as one of the greatest movies of all time, another movie which features a hybrid female protagonist released in the same decade was passed over by critics and is generally underappreciated by many.  That film is Ernest Dickerson’s Tales from the Crypt Presents:  Demon Knight.  The movie deserves a place in this essay because, like other movies discussed here or in essays, an analyst can make an argument that Jeryline, the female hero of the film, does represent a change and departure from characters in previous films, a fact that is not necessarily diminished by a low box-office gross or by a panning given by some critics."

So.  Much like the Horror Czar pushes for acceptance of Darkness Falls as a good horror movie, so to do I push for Demon Knight to be accepted.    To say that a movie with a cult following, like Demon Knight, does not deserve praise is to say that other cult movies do not, i.e. Rocky Horror Picture Show, May, or Donnie Darko.  And that is an injustice to both the movies themselves and the fans who support them.  And I'm glad that I was able to do my small part here to try and get the movie out more.

Just a quick note here.

I used to read Fangoria for my horror.  I liked it at first, but I got this feeling that there weren't any true film reviews in it and it just seemed to say every movie was fantastic in excessively praising articles.  Plus the writing style made it a chore to get through an entire issue (I like reading cover-to-cover).

So I'd just finished writing that senior thesis, and I was in a Barnes and Noble and saw a magazine with Dakota from Grindhouse on the cover in one of the most striking pictures I'd ever seen.  The magazine had articles about grindhouse's history, tons of interviews with people invovled with the movie and grindhouse in general (Zombie, Rodriguez, H.G. Lewis, William Lustig, etc.)  They were showing a reverence to the past while looking toward the future, which Id NEVER seen in Fangoria (a fact which REALLY didnt help in writing a paper about past movies....).  Then I read the reviews and saw that they actually reviewed recent THEATRICAL FILMS!  I defy people to try and find print reviews in Fangoria of films that have come out that AREN'T part of random pieces of pointlessly praising fluff.  They also reviewed direct-to-dvd films and rereleases of classic horror.  There were even articles on movies from before 1950 which Fangoria wouldnt be caught dead publishing.

Not only that, but there were reviews of books, cds, games and comics/graphic novels; articles on culture and art that related to horro, darker music.  This was Rue Morgue, Canada's premiere horror magazine.  I couldnt get enough and have only missed one issue since then (because no one was selling it oddly....).  It's never been hard to get through the articles even on things I didn't really care about before.

What made me write this post?  Well after about 12 issues, I've decided to get a subscription.  I filled out the info, sent it away.  A couple weeks passed and I actually got a hand-addressed form letter from the magazine (actually signed by the editor-in-chief) thanking me for subscribing to their magazine.  I'm sure being a popular magazine, they get a good number of new subscriptions per month, but doing something like that is really special.  They really care about their audience much like this website cares about its visitors.  And just like I respect this site for that, I respect the magazine for it too.

Anybody else read genre magazines?  Fangoria's more for mainstream wider-release movies, so I have respect for them too, but I worship Rue Morgue.  lol.

After much hoping and schedule shifting and good old fashioned intuition, at the moment it appears that I'm headed to the Lower East Side on Saturday night to see Poultrygeist a second time.  Why you might ask?  Well, A)  It's that damn good, and B) I've managed to corral a friend or two this time.

Anyone who saw Grindhouse in theater (as I did) knows how important seeing a movie in a theater can sometimes be.  As an example, I'm not tremendously interested in The Strangers.  Something is bothering me about the trailers, specifically my faith in the two leads and their acting ability.  But that's neither here nor there.  What is important is I feel that I could watch The Strangers on my tv and get the same experience I'd get in the theaters.  I can't have that with Grindhouse and Poultrygeist.  Poultrygeist is fantastic on its own.  But it's even better in a decently packed theater of Troma faithful itching to see the blood and gore paint the walls.  In Poultrygeist's case, I now have a memory of being in a place where a theater collectively cheered as one when a person was killed in a meat grinder.  You can't get that stuff in the home theater usually.  Similarly, I have a memory of being in a far less packed theater (which was a crime.....) when those in attendance collectively cringed....when the tongue lesion popped in Planet Terror.  That's why I refuse at least at the moment to buy the two disc Grindhouse releases.  I have a sneaking suspicion that something will come out this Halloween that will reward my waiting, but I have no reason to think that other than that there have to be more people than me in this world who want to recreate their own experience of seeing the original with EVERYTHING intact.  (I could of course just import the 6-disc Japanese special with both american releases, the theatrical cut, and a bonus disc, but I don't wanna deal with the shipping fees or figuring out that dollars to yen thing.  Plus I doubt my dvd player can play it.)

Anyone out there choose to get the two-discs?  If you did, what are you gonna do with them if they release a special edition?  Incidentally rumor has it that Poultrygeist will, ironically, be similar.  A single disc in october, and a double disc with documentaries and stuff in 09.  Guess which one i'm waiting on.

Speaking of Poultrygeist, I'm going to soon link troma's Poultrygeist page to our Poultrygeist review here to both increase best-horror-movies traffic possibly...and to get myself out there more...heh.

Also, am I the only one who's started to become really careful getting dvds?  When Sweeney Todd and The Mist came out, I got them both in the two-disc version because I was 90% sure they couldnt upgrade those much.  We live in a time of too much double-dipping to not do that. 

I'm proud...ish...to say that I've only double dipped to completely upgrade a dvd I'd already bought a few times:  I had Nightmare on Elm Streets 1-3 when i dumped them to get the box set, Night of the Living Dead (no not the new release, I got shafted into getting that recut one in a sale and thus switched to a different one.  And when I get it signed in June, I won't upgrade it again), and Saw simply because the special features on the uncut version intrigued me too much.  I mean, as an example, I have the original pressing version of my favorite movie A Clockwork Orange, and I refuse to upgrade it....partially cuz I waited so long to get it, and partially cuz it's autographed by Malcolm McDowell.  :-D  Ditto for a copy of Cujo I have that I'm not upgrading.  That's just my opinion on the subject though.

Anyone else generally as a rule opposed to double dipping?

And finally, I'm gonna ask again. Is there some restriction on the lyrical content of the music we post on our profiles?  Yes or no?  Anyone?

As Bloodybones mentioned torture porn in the last entry, I thought I should give my thoughts.

Those two words are the most overused words in the history of the genre.

According to m-w.com, torture is anguish or pain intended to punish, coerce, or obtain sadistic pleasure, OR an action that produces such an effect.  Pornography on the other hand, outside of the obvious sexual definitions, is "the depiction of acts in a sensational manner so as to arouse a quick intense emotional reaction".

Sometimes it's justified.  You want to know what torture porn is?  Find a review of a Hong Kong Category III movie.  I'd say watch it, but I've heard some of the nutso stuff that goes on in one of those babies and I am NOT describing them here for fear of warping a young mind.    A review I once saw said that one Cat III horror film "BREATHES exploitation" (yes, exploitation, the term used before torture porn that everyone seems to have forgotten).  Or, from what I've heard, try Frontieres.  I havent heard a single aspect of a plot in the film, all i've heard of is a relentless torture shot after torture shot type movie.  I could be wrong on that, so if you have seen it and can tell me the movie is more than that, by all means set me straight.

But Saw is not.  Hostel is not.  Let me explain:  Saw is cerebral.  Sure there's gruesome traps with grisly consequences.  But the point is, you're supposed to think about why the person is in the trap.  You're supposed to think (particularly in the second through 4th) about what made Jigsaw do this.  Each one is different.  The second lets you into jigsaw's head, the third takes you on a moral journey through the main character while also letting you into both Jigsaw and Amanda's head, and the fourth shows you precisely what lead to jigsaw doing what he does and asks you, through Riggs, to try to see the people in the traps the way he does.  These aren't just KILL KILL KILL.  There's thought and psychology in how the traps work, why they work, why people were in them, why they are made.  That's not just random violence to disturb.  If you've got a problem with the violence of the traps, thats fine, don't watch the movie, that's your call.  But don't act like I'm some twisted individual because I can very easily get something to think about out of the film that goes beyond the violence.

Hostel's tougher to defend but it works like this.  Hostel is far far more violent for little reason than Saw.  If it wasn't for one scene, I'd say call it torture porn.  But the scene in the locker room kills that idea.  Why?  Because its the most unsettling, creepy, genuinely scary scene in the movie.  When you see into the businessman's mind and find out how he feels about the company, it petrifies you because you now can see what goes on in his mind.  You thus get a conneciton with him that you don't want.  Its not sensational though, that scene.  Is half the rest of the movie? Sure.  But when the best, most unsettling, creepiest scene in a movie filled with torture is completely bloodless, you can't call the whole movie torture porn.

My biggest problem though is that "Torture porn" has become an umbrella for a "dark film".  It works like this.  Horror movie like House of Wax remake comes out.  As its YEARS later, it's more violent than the original and has a grittier, darker feel to it.  Someone inevitably calls it torture porn because of the finger scene or the chair in the basement thing.  Black Christmas's remake has been called that.  Because its more violent.  No other reason.  Just that it's bloodier.

Just because something is violent or contains a scene of percieved torture does not make torture porn.  Just because something is dark does not make torture porn.  You know what other horror/thriller movie was dark and featured someone in a torture-like scenario WAY before these? The Silence of the Lambs.  And that won an Oscar.  (Well what do YOU call leaving someone at the bottom of a pit with no way out?)  I'm not saying Saw and Hostel are Oscar caliber, I'm saying that people shouldnt dismiss them out of hand like movies that have no point outside of the violence.

And just to be clear, I want to say again.  I have no problem with someone who sees a film like Saw or Hostel and doesn't like it.  That's your prerogative and opinion and you are more than welcome to it.  I am also not saying that there aren't movies out there that are just torture and nothing more.  There are.  I'd discuss them (Turistas, Frontieres, Captivity all come to mind) but I've never seen them.  And if they each were just torture torture torture for no reason, then I'd call them the torture porn they are.  I wouldn't dislike them necessarily because of it either.  I mean, a good movie is a good movie.  I'm just giving my own opinion in general is all.

Oh and while I'm here, on an unrelated note, is there a rule about obscenity in the songs on our profiles?  Reason I ask is there's some other songs from Poultrygeist or Evil Dead:  The Musical I was gonna add to mine that have some language issues that I just wanna make sure are ok.  Mostly curse words.  The ones up now don't have any problem with that though.  Thanks.

Hello all

After adjusting that previous entry (that was a good idea, Horror Czar), I realized something.  The way I listed my credentials before might make it seem like I'm a member of the Horror Intelligencia.  I want to make something very clear.

I'm not.

There were many things that drew me to this site.  One of the biggest, though, was that this is the only site I know of that has the balls to admit that the House of Wax remake was actually decent.  I saw that in theater and was literally floored with how much it exceeded my expectations.  Sure, it's true that Paris just stretches so far as an actress...playing a stupid spoiled whore who tends to generally serve no purpose other than to die horribly...such a jump for her.(BA-ZING!)  But the rest of the movie....if I had never seen it, all the reviews I had heard were so horrible I probably never would have.  I'm thankful I did, and thankful that someone else recognized it.

Same thing with another Honorable Mention on this site, Shocker.  Sure it's an attempt to create another franchise for Wes Craven.  Sure it's no Nightmare on Elm Street.  It doesnt mean the movie's not good.  The idea is a different style for a slasher movie, it has a nice sense of humor and doesn't take itself too seriously.  What more can you want?  There are definitely way way worse/more mediocre movies to spend your time with.

I think the problem is that some horror critics have fallen in with most regular film critics.  A film doesn't need to make some massive statement or be a BOLD NEW VISION in the genre to be good or recommendable.  If and when I become a pro critic, I'm hoping to change that perception.  Just because you get paid to watch movies and talk about them doesnt mean you have to act like a movie has to make some deep philosophical statement to be good.  What we need are more joe q. citizen film critics.  And I'm happy to do my small part to provide that service.  If the film has some psychological undertone, sure i'll mention it, but it doesnt have to to be good or memorable. 

(EDIT:  At the suggestion of The Horror Czar, the names of the movies I've reviewed are now clickable for easy access.  Thanks for the tutorial!)

Hello.

I'm Crypticpsych.  It's a pleasure.

If you follow this site avidly, you'll know me from my reviews of Tales from the Darkside:  The Movie , Disturbing Behavior, and Poultrygeist:  Night of the Chicken Dead.  One of you also asked a question about Laurie Strode and Michael Myers which I answered.

At the suggestion of The Horror Czar, I'm starting a blog here to complement my regular livejournal (same sn as this one.).  While that one will discuss my feelings on politics, sports, and anything else that crosses my mind, this will primarily serve as a place for me to discuss the genre in all forms I see fit:

-I'll plug new reviews here (when I get the time, I'm planning another soon, for example)

-I'll give my impressions of new movies in theater (sometimes whether I've seen them or not....)

-I'll give site reports from horror conventions (I've got one in June, two in august, one in october)

-Expect more than a few mentions of my favorite horror mag, Rue Morgue.  (to riff on a famous george carlin quote about catholicism, I used to read Fangoria, then I reached the age of reason....)

-If something starts to bother me about the world that relates to the genre (as an example I'm an vocal critic of the Parents Television Council, the violent video game and media crusaders, and, in some cases, the MPAA)

-Might post interesting youtube videos (I still miss the youtube user who got booted after posting 20 compilation videos of the goriest moments in horror history.)

-I'm always willing to help though so if I can help a question get answered elsewhere on the site, well that's what I'm here for too.

-And if and when I choose to post on other sites, you'll be the first to know.  Even though this site will always be location one for horror, I'm looking to become a full-fledged film critic, and, unfortunately, I won't be able to watch only horror when I do that.  That's been slow going though (i'm still wondering whether its ok to send my Poultrygeist review to troma for posting on the front page of their poultrygeist site, and today I chose not to respond to a blogger call on CHUD as what I've seen thus far has annoyed me to no end.)

In case you're curious btw, I have some credentials sorta....Of BHM's top 100 horror movies list , I've seen 43 of 2006's list, 45 of 2007's (including the entire first 14), and 43 of 2008's.  This isn't including movies on the list that I have on the large shelf behind me that I just havent watched yet...which is a surprisingly large number actually.  I own over 400 dvds/tv shows from every stripe of genre both in and out of horror.  This includes horror movies I'm betting 75% of the people reading this havent heard of.  I'm hoping to change that.  I also wrote my college senior thesis on the evolution of the female protagonist in horror movies since 1961's Psycho.  (I got mad that I kept reading that Psycho was dividing point after which everything was "modern".  So I proved that the female lead character doesnt just stagnate, she's changed.)  I'd post it here, but I seriously doubt people want to read 44 pages or that itd be exactly easy to post.  I'd have to do it in installments for chrissakes.  And through conventions, I've met George Romero, the cast of the original Dawn of the Dead, Darren Lynn Bousman, Malcolm McDowell, Udo Kier, Linda Blair, Elvira, Bill Moseley, Sid Haig, Tom Savini, Gunnar Hansen, Heather Langenkamp, Ken Foree, Tony Todd, and most recently Lloyd Kaufman.  Soon, I hope to add Angus Scrimm, the Night of the Living Dead cast, Ruggero Deodato, Shawnee Smith, and maybe Robert Englund.

I really hope that didn't sound like bragging.  Seriously I do.  I just am a huge dvd/movie addict.  Became one in college after a friend showed me Evil Dead.  It kinda finished the circle that started with R.L. Stine's series.  That and the convention atmosphere ruuules.

That's all for today though.  It's about midnight here and I'm feeling like im gonna pass out.  Just wanted to introduce myself to everyone.  And always remember: 

"The horror film is an invitation to indulge in deviant, anti-social behavior by proxy, to commit gratuitous acts of violence, indulge our puerile dreams of power, to give in to our most craven fears. Perhaps more than anything else, the horror story or horror movie says it's okay to join the mob, to become the total tribal being, to destroy the outsider."
-Stephen King

And that's why I love it.