Due to the fact that I have less college credit than most high school students I can't find work for over $8.50 an hour. There should be no time in life that you are forced to say this but thank Christ I live in Alabama. If I lived in any major city I'd be in the streets yelling at pigeons to use toilet paper. I guess everybody goes through it though.

Up until two weeks ago I worked at a convenience store that sold the cheapest gas in town. The family that owned it were from India. They'd been in America for about 30 years but the old guy I worked for was 67 so he'd had enough time to retain his native culture. This old bastard was like a vibrator in a suitcase; it didn't take too much to set him off but it was a lot of trouble to shut him up. Even if he made the mistake he'd pawn it off on me or the girl I worked with. "No, no I didn't put candy bar with chips. You. I been here long time. You learn from me. Ha ha ha ha." She'd been there for two years and worked harder than I did by far. She got paid cash under the table and only made $5.25 an hour whereas I made $6.60 taxable right off the bat. This was compounded by the fact that if you work at store like that you're bound to put in overtime. Neither of us were paid for it. When I confronted the old guy's son (he hired me and turned out basically to be my union rep) he responded with "Well, you have to think. Are you actually here at 4, doing the work?" At that point I honestly didn't know what to say other than a stunned, "Yeah..." Until about ten minutes later I just thought he was retarded then he says, "Oh, you've been righting your hours on your money drop sheet (the record of the money you put in their safe to avoid armed robbery). Nobody ever does that (lie).... I came up with that.... I don't know why I didn't see that...." That weekend I spend almost all of my food money on booze and weed and the following Monday just didn't show up or answer the phone. Not my finest hour but I feel I was justified in a way.

Today I started my first day of smut peddling. The store that I work in is one of two in a franchise. The other store is in Columbus, Mississippi. Since sex toys were essentially illegal in Alabama they had to run their business a few miles outside of town. Recently they've passed a law that made it fully legal the same way a glass pipe or bong is legal to sell: making a big,bold statement about the intended use of the product so that the children know mommy and daddy aren't masturbating or not doing anything god hadn't intended with their butthole, they're just enhancing their pleasure of being with each other. Our sign says that the Purple Rabbit dildozer is for Educational, Medical, Judicial and Legislative purposes only. Those are only the four out of the 6 or 7 words I could remember but I assure you every word is verbatim. That's why it's not really that interesting.

You can tell it's going to be an interesting job experience when the first customer that comes in is a woman who's boyfriend sent her for the Sean Michaels Reloaded Maximizer (which is just a Matrix themed penis pump) and some 'Good Head' wax teeth guards.

Tell me your story. You all have them unless you're in your thirties and live in your parents' basement.

what kind of stories do you want: stories of:

jobs, porn,pain,pleasure,violence,death,happiness,lust,stupidity,drugging,drinking,fucking,childhood,family, wrestling,gardening,fishing,cruelty,kindness.

us old fuckers got tons of 'em--well I don't consider myself quite old yet, but I'm damn sure dancing with the bitch.

Fuckin dance on man. Any stories will do. Post em. Don't know how old you are but we all have stories. the older you are the more interesting it gets.

Dang I'm really surprised...no-one has any stories here?? Or are we just too nervous to tell em? My problem is fuckin deciding which ones to tell...I'm gonna go noodle with this...I'll keep you posted

Just out of high school I met this guy (we'll call him, i dunno, 'Lucifer') who seemed okay, we were in the same general circle of friends and hung out a bit. One night he comes by my place and asks me to go for a ride, to just hang out, smoke bongs, whatever. So I jump in the car and he's like "i know where we can get some nice weed" etc, so I'm like okay, whatever. I'd been sitting at home doing nothing so I thought what the fuck. Anyway we pull up outside this house with decaying car bodies and general detritus all over the front lawn and loud music thumping away, he turns to me and goes "wait in the car", so I shrug, yeah. He gets out, goes to the boot (or what you yanks call a 'trunk') and I see him get a fucking baseball bat out of it, shut it, and leg it towards the front door of the house. I'm sitting there thinking 'what the fuck?'... Anyway a couple of minutes later he comes running out of the house (minus the bat) jumps in the car and in a literal squeal of rubber we peel out into the street and roar off. 'Lucifer' turns to me, laughing like a maniac, and dumps a huge bag of pot on my lap. So we find a carpark, roll a few spliffs and do a few pipes, get real happy, and sit there for a while. Then he pulls some coke out of his pocket, we do a few lines, and he suddenly decides he's hungry and we should go get something to eat. Now at this point I'm getting real edgy, thinking something's up, I dunno the guy just freaked me out. I put it down to being quite wasted, and we take off through the suburbs, he's driving, driving, driving, I turn to him and I'm like "dude, can we just find somewhere? this is taking ages", and he goes "Yep, yep, just wait, everything's cool." So finally we pull up outside this all night servo (again, yanks, that's a gas station to you guys) and he turns to me, starts laughing like a maniac again, and reaches into the glovebox, pulling out a fucking knife, and again, you guessed it, asks me to wait patiently in the car. Well as soon as he gets out of the car, I'm outta there. I open the door, exit and skeedaddle my dumb ass off into the nearest bushes and I'm away, running fuck-all flat out in the vague direction of my house. I make it home after like 90 minutes, 2 hours maybe, huffing and puffing and wishing I'd just stayed at home watching Seinfeld re-runs and drinking cask wine. I find out later Lucifer got his stupid, coked up ass arrested for robbing the servo. He got away apparently but of course the security cameras got him and the cops picked him up later than night, or later that morning to be exact. I dont know to this day if I was captured by those same security cameras, but I never had any beefy boys in blue coming knocking on my door, so I guess I was just lucky. The fucking stupid things we do. I look back on a lot of my mis-spent youth with fondness, but that's a moment I just look back on and well...sigh.

Sound like you fellows were up to no good.